i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
