just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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