dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
