i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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