What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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