Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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