whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
