is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
