Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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