So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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