No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
