P.S. I can't hear my feet
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
