apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
