god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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