I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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