oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
