batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
