is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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