just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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