He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
