Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
