if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
