The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
