Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
