You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
