also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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