This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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