eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
