There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my liver is dry heaving
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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