After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
