You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
