My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
