I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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