Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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