Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
