I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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