we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
