Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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