when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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