i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
