Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
