she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
