return my video game
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
