Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
