how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found puke in my bra..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
