You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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