if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
