ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
