I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
