Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
