Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
