Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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